I'm gonna come right out and say something that I'm sure you won't all openly agree with: McDonald's french fries are great. At their best, they are everything a french fry should be: salty, crisp, light, and not greasy. Granted, you get the occasional odd franchise that lets'em sit under the heat lamp for a couple hours too long, but on the whole, I find it remarkable that the bigwigs have discovered a way to create a frozen fry that even a one armed eyeless chimp has trouble screwing up. And I know, because they've got one working the fry station at the franchise on my corner.
To be absolutely honest, I've never been able to make fries as good as theirs (shhhhh!). Sure, my thick-cut pub-style fries are super-potatoey and fantastic, and when I'm in the mood for them, my seasoned steak fries can't be beat, but for thin, super-crisp fries (I'm talking the kind that only appear in fast food restaurants and French bistros under the name frites)? I'm always better off running down to the take-out window than bothering to fry them myself at home.
Click the image above to learn more about McDonald's French Fries.
Chad Ettmueller was hungry. And when Chad was hungry, he often went to Which Wich, his favorite sub sandwich shop in Cumming, Georgia. He normally orders the chain’s “Wicked” sandwich, stacked high with turkey, ham, roast beef, pepperoni, and bacon, as well as three cheeses of your choosing. It’s a mouthful as it is, but Chad hadn’t eaten anything that day, so he ordered double meat, too. When he went to take his first bite, he opened wide and prepared to chomp down. But his jaw wouldn’t move—it was stuck open.
His kids started to laugh, thinking he was playing around, but he couldn’t join in the revelry even if he tried. Embarrassed, he went outside to the parking lot and tried moving his jaw around, and even resorted to punching himself to knock it back into place. When that wasn’t successful, he headed for the emergency room. The doctors tried to cure his diagnosed “double dislocation of the mandible,” but still nothing worked. After 14 hours with his mouth open, they had no choice but to surgically reset his jaw.
This is the part where Chad sues Which Wich and wins a crazy multi-million dollar settlement, right? Not this time. Chad’s pride was bruised, but he wasn’t going to get all litigious. “It wasn’t the sandwich’s fault,” he said, “it was my genetics.” The chain offered Chad as many milkshakes as he wanted while he was recovering and is planning on renaming the Wicked sandwich to honor him and his predicament. They’re taking votes on their website to decide if the sandwich should be renamed the “Double Dislocator,” the “Lock-Jaw,” or the “Jaw Wrecker.”
Even though Chad survived his injury, his friend Paul avenged him like a true pal should, by eating the rest of the sandwich later. Afterwards he said “it had to die.” What a guy!
Here’s a video of Chad talking about his jaw-breaking meal:
